Today I figured out why...
- Aug 22, 2025
- 3 min read
I've been so afraid to move forward with this idea.
Today I figured it out.
Why all the stalling.
Because now it's here.
I've hired someone to help.
Someone who is depending on me to pay them to do their job.
Their job to ensure I am supplied with what and who I need to get it all done.
That means if it doesn't work out
I will start over again, like I did before.
At the feet of people who kicked me in my face.
Laughed at me.
Who expected and saw me fail.
That has been what the procrastination has been about.
Because I felt that pang in my tummy today.
I felt it sitting here in this Starbuck's at 10:28am on August 22, 2025, a Friday.
I have not felt that pang in my tummy in years.
I didn't think I could actually feel fear anymore only know it.
Speak to it but I did not know parts of her still existed hidden in me.
Hidden in the parts of me I have not settled with.
It was the visualization.
The visualization is what gave me fear.
What I see, I know to be.
To have been. To come.
I felt that pang again.
It's what I see that terrifies me.
Mantra for Fear:
This feeling is proof that I am alive, aligned, and at the edge of my breakthrough. What I see is to prepare me. I walk forward knowing light is my portion, and I am the storm darkness fears.
The world will go dark.
I was there. It looks like a dream.
It is not what my dreams are made.
This is a dirty frame. It is sight.
I see it. I am afraid, I will go with it like that.
Dark, dirty, the sky heavy.
This is the end. We are equal now because we are
Dirt. Dirty.
There is nothing here now.
No power structure.
Just people.
Knowing
Desire
Who will we trust.
We will trust the wisest among us to survive.
It is not going to be easy. But your people always rise, survive, and then thrive.
Thrive. Black woman.
Smut woman.
Dirt Woman.
You are all the women before you now.
You can. Must. Will.
I'm no longer afraid for the world to end.
I have seen it.
I experienced it.
It has already terrified me.
So, I move into her. The must.
This moment is now.
2-minute reset ritual—something short, powerful, and portable that you can do anywhere (Starbucks, your car, even in the bathroom if you need a break). The goal is to take that pang of fear and transmute it into fuel so your nervous system learns: this sensation = my power, not my downfall.
✨ The 2-Minute Reset Ritual ✨
Step 1: Anchor the Body (30 seconds)
Place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach.
Take a deep inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 2, then exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 counts.
Repeat 3 times, imagining the breath sweeping out static and making space for light
Whisper Mantra (whisper if you can):“I am safe. I am here. I am stronger than this moment.”
Step 2: Call the Light (45 seconds)
Close your eyes (if you can) and picture golden-white light pouring into the top of your head, filling your body all the way down to your toes.
See the fear as a dark smoke in your stomach. On your next exhale, watch the light push it out and dissolve it into the air.
Gentle mantra:“Fear run from me. Power fill me. Light is my truth.”
Step 3: Claim the Vision (45 seconds)
Open your eyes. Look at something in front of you and lock onto it like it’s your future.
Loud Mantra: “This is the beginning. I am the storm that clears the way for the sun to be seen. I move forward unshaken. My purpose is important.”
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